Hey all...
Dad gave me a very beautiful card for Christmas. I was hoping to put in on my blog a lot sooner but just haven't had a chance. Anyway, enjoy reading... it made me cry. Well, no actually, it made me bawl.
Daughter,
I Hope Your Dreams Come
True at Christmas
You've become a woman who strives
endlessly to make her goals a reality.
But at Christmas, I sometimes think
of you as the child you used to be ~
the little girl who believed in Santa
Clause and that everything her heart
could wish for was beneath the tree.
These days, the things you want
most can't be wrapped or even bought.
I guess within the heart of every
woman are hopes that often go
unspoken and dreams that only she
can realize.
But as a parent, I sometimes want
to find the perfect gift. You know ~
something to ease the stress of your
day or the ache of your heart when it's
lonely. If only I could recapture the joy
of the child I used to hold close, I
would give that to you as your gift.
As you open your presents this
Christmas, just know that there is
the gift of a hug waiting within my
arms for you. I think sometimes
even I forget that within the heart
of the woman you've become, the
child remains. And I want to hold
you close and remind you of my
love for you ~ which will forever
remain in my heart.
~ Teresa L. Davisson
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
A few passing thoughts...
So... thank God THAT'S over. I look back at those two or three days of Christmas and think to myself, Holy Crap That Was Harder Than I Thought It Would Be. I'm definitely in a better place now... the moments of swelling emotion and instant tears have passed.
I went into Vancouver for a couple of days. Stayed with an old friend of mine, Ben. Ben's doing great. He's got a nice, little pad and was able to show me around town like a true tour guide. The architecture in BC is beautiful, the waterfront was stunning, and the smell of pot was... potent? Does everyone in BC smoke???
Being in Victoria, British Columbia has taught me one very valuable lesson that I had forgotton from previous travel experiences... Home is where the heart is. I miss my friends and extended family members very much and could not even imagine moving out here. Although it is stunning out here and things are a little more laid back, I wouldn't trade it for what I already have.
There's something else I wanted to add to today's blog as well... remember a few posts back I was talking about my online dating experiences. Well... I'm having a hard time with it. On a daily basis I am being unindated with emails from guys wanting to talk. I've been given phone numbers, alternative email addresses, addresses, pretty much everything accept access to their bank accounts. I'm finding it difficult because I can only spread myself so thin, and I am currently chatting to a few people.
I'm seriously considering deleting my profile from the online dating website I'm at. I don't know if I can take it any more. Now I know why some people don't put their picture up and why some people keep their profiles to a minimum. Anyway, I'll keep you updated as to what I'm going to do.
Hope you're all doing really great :) I miss you guys very much.
See you soon,
Jenn
I went into Vancouver for a couple of days. Stayed with an old friend of mine, Ben. Ben's doing great. He's got a nice, little pad and was able to show me around town like a true tour guide. The architecture in BC is beautiful, the waterfront was stunning, and the smell of pot was... potent? Does everyone in BC smoke???
Being in Victoria, British Columbia has taught me one very valuable lesson that I had forgotton from previous travel experiences... Home is where the heart is. I miss my friends and extended family members very much and could not even imagine moving out here. Although it is stunning out here and things are a little more laid back, I wouldn't trade it for what I already have.
There's something else I wanted to add to today's blog as well... remember a few posts back I was talking about my online dating experiences. Well... I'm having a hard time with it. On a daily basis I am being unindated with emails from guys wanting to talk. I've been given phone numbers, alternative email addresses, addresses, pretty much everything accept access to their bank accounts. I'm finding it difficult because I can only spread myself so thin, and I am currently chatting to a few people.
I'm seriously considering deleting my profile from the online dating website I'm at. I don't know if I can take it any more. Now I know why some people don't put their picture up and why some people keep their profiles to a minimum. Anyway, I'll keep you updated as to what I'm going to do.
Hope you're all doing really great :) I miss you guys very much.
See you soon,
Jenn
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Alone For The Holidays
I'm in British Columbia for the holidays.... flew in with my dad a few days ago. We're staying with his new girlfriend. She lives in a big house, with big windows, overlooking the big ocean and the big mountains. All the trees are big and the love is big and the feelings are big. I'm feeling very small.
I'm in British Columbia with my dad and his girlfriend and I'm feeling very alone.
We're here because I didn't want to stay at home, be in the home, be around the home this year. The idea of sitting in an undecorated living-room, the same living-room my step-mom died in made me a little sick to my stomach, so I told dad I wanted to go away.
I wanted a beach with hot sand and unbearable temperatures, he wanted his girl-friend. So, here we are. It was a free trip, so I'm not really complaining that we're not on the hot beach.
I am complaining however, over the fact that I'm feeling like a bit of a third wheel.
Drinks with neighbours, lunch at the pub, dinner with her family... it's all fine and dandy. I'm seeing beautiful sites and meeting some very interesting locals (I think EVERYONE smokes pot out here). But I'm still feeling lonely.
It's my first Christmas without Mary. My sixth without my brother. My eleventh without my biological mother. My friends are surrounded by their children, their partners, their husbands and wives, sisters and brothers, their aunts and uncles. I'm here with my dad. And her.
I like her. She's really, really great. She loves my dad, that I can see very clearly.
I guess I'm just feeling a little invincible. A little left out. A little affraid. A little alone.
I might of as well stayed at home, looking at all four walls of the living-room and felt this way there, in the comfort of my family home, as opposed to a strange place with strange people. I should have realized I would have felt this way no matter where I went.
***sigh***
I'm in British Columbia with my dad and his girlfriend and I'm feeling very alone.
We're here because I didn't want to stay at home, be in the home, be around the home this year. The idea of sitting in an undecorated living-room, the same living-room my step-mom died in made me a little sick to my stomach, so I told dad I wanted to go away.
I wanted a beach with hot sand and unbearable temperatures, he wanted his girl-friend. So, here we are. It was a free trip, so I'm not really complaining that we're not on the hot beach.
I am complaining however, over the fact that I'm feeling like a bit of a third wheel.
Drinks with neighbours, lunch at the pub, dinner with her family... it's all fine and dandy. I'm seeing beautiful sites and meeting some very interesting locals (I think EVERYONE smokes pot out here). But I'm still feeling lonely.
It's my first Christmas without Mary. My sixth without my brother. My eleventh without my biological mother. My friends are surrounded by their children, their partners, their husbands and wives, sisters and brothers, their aunts and uncles. I'm here with my dad. And her.
I like her. She's really, really great. She loves my dad, that I can see very clearly.
I guess I'm just feeling a little invincible. A little left out. A little affraid. A little alone.
I might of as well stayed at home, looking at all four walls of the living-room and felt this way there, in the comfort of my family home, as opposed to a strange place with strange people. I should have realized I would have felt this way no matter where I went.
***sigh***
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Mind your P's and Q's!
Okay... so, I've discovered a few things:
1. If you google my name, my blog shows up. So for all my friends out there with blogg's - google your name! It's kind of cool. However, it's also a little freakish because anyone who's checking you out can gain access to your blog and read alllllllllll about you. This doesn't bother me all that much, but does make me realize that there are strangers out there checking in on my life... kind of strange, in a weird sort of way.
2. You know that feeling you get when you are in the near vicinity of someone you like? And they like you too? And there is this crazy electricity between you? You know that feeling?? Well... I wasn't feeling it. At all. Total bummer. I'm making reference to Mr. New York. Mr. New York, (who can be found at www.plentyoffish.com under the nickname of clickme1972) is an amazing man who will make you laugh, feel good about yourself and will listen to you when you talk. He is a great conversationalist, is caring and optimistic. He is a gentleman and is extremely thoughtful. However, there was no "it", no "spark", no "electricity" for me. My dad asked me how things were going and I had to tell him that I didn't know. My dad's response.... "you'd know". I was still uncertain so I called one of my best friends... she said the same thing. Total disappointment. How is it that you can find a real man... someone who is down to earth and normal and looks at you with sparkles in his eyes, and not feel a thing? I don't get it. Anyway... that's that.
3. I had a conversation with an aquantance this weekend that made me feel as though God himself spoke through her to pass on a message to me. We'll call this aquaintance "Blondie". The conversation started with the usual hellos and how are yous and what's news. And then I asked Blondie how married life was going (pretty dumb question but who knew it'd end up like it did???... Blondie got married this past summer after a rather short engagement... seemed like a bit of a rush job to me, but who's to say?). Anyway, I wasn't expecting the answer I got considering the fact that I was having a conversation with, ah, er, "Blondie". Blondie proceeded to tell me that although she was happy, and wouldn't change her partner or the choices she's made, she felt that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. In other words, it's not always greener on the other side. I have a few friends who will vouch for that statement. Blondie told me that being single was great and that if she knew then what she knows now, she may not have gotten married so quickly. Amazing. I was dumbfounded. Here's this beautiful girl who made a life changing choice by getting married, thinking that life would be better some how, and there I was feeling like a moron for thinking it would be. Who knew? Now, don't get me wrong.... I know people who are married and love it and wouldn't change a thing and have a great life with thier partners and kids, et al. The point is, she made me feel good for still being single. She made me feel like I have made the right choices and that I have been right not to settle so quickly. There's nothing wrong with a thirty-year old single gal.... is there? I don't think so. It can be hard sometimes though... especially when the majority of your friends are married or living with their partners. The societal pressures of "being in a relationship" is suffocating sometimes, especially when the common statement from people you bump into is: "have you met anyone yet?"...
Oh well. That's life, I guess. Being single? I'm lovin' it :)
1. If you google my name, my blog shows up. So for all my friends out there with blogg's - google your name! It's kind of cool. However, it's also a little freakish because anyone who's checking you out can gain access to your blog and read alllllllllll about you. This doesn't bother me all that much, but does make me realize that there are strangers out there checking in on my life... kind of strange, in a weird sort of way.
2. You know that feeling you get when you are in the near vicinity of someone you like? And they like you too? And there is this crazy electricity between you? You know that feeling?? Well... I wasn't feeling it. At all. Total bummer. I'm making reference to Mr. New York. Mr. New York, (who can be found at www.plentyoffish.com under the nickname of clickme1972) is an amazing man who will make you laugh, feel good about yourself and will listen to you when you talk. He is a great conversationalist, is caring and optimistic. He is a gentleman and is extremely thoughtful. However, there was no "it", no "spark", no "electricity" for me. My dad asked me how things were going and I had to tell him that I didn't know. My dad's response.... "you'd know". I was still uncertain so I called one of my best friends... she said the same thing. Total disappointment. How is it that you can find a real man... someone who is down to earth and normal and looks at you with sparkles in his eyes, and not feel a thing? I don't get it. Anyway... that's that.
3. I had a conversation with an aquantance this weekend that made me feel as though God himself spoke through her to pass on a message to me. We'll call this aquaintance "Blondie". The conversation started with the usual hellos and how are yous and what's news. And then I asked Blondie how married life was going (pretty dumb question but who knew it'd end up like it did???... Blondie got married this past summer after a rather short engagement... seemed like a bit of a rush job to me, but who's to say?). Anyway, I wasn't expecting the answer I got considering the fact that I was having a conversation with, ah, er, "Blondie". Blondie proceeded to tell me that although she was happy, and wouldn't change her partner or the choices she's made, she felt that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. In other words, it's not always greener on the other side. I have a few friends who will vouch for that statement. Blondie told me that being single was great and that if she knew then what she knows now, she may not have gotten married so quickly. Amazing. I was dumbfounded. Here's this beautiful girl who made a life changing choice by getting married, thinking that life would be better some how, and there I was feeling like a moron for thinking it would be. Who knew? Now, don't get me wrong.... I know people who are married and love it and wouldn't change a thing and have a great life with thier partners and kids, et al. The point is, she made me feel good for still being single. She made me feel like I have made the right choices and that I have been right not to settle so quickly. There's nothing wrong with a thirty-year old single gal.... is there? I don't think so. It can be hard sometimes though... especially when the majority of your friends are married or living with their partners. The societal pressures of "being in a relationship" is suffocating sometimes, especially when the common statement from people you bump into is: "have you met anyone yet?"...
Oh well. That's life, I guess. Being single? I'm lovin' it :)
Friday, December 08, 2006
There's Plenty of Fish out there....
Hello there my little Tweedle-dees and Tweedle-dums.
So, some very interesting information for you. If you make reference to the blog entry below, I went ahead and posted my "profile" on two different online dating web-sites. I first went to Lavalife. And then discovered Plentyoffish.com. I highly recommend Plenty of Fish. It's a totally free online dating web site and there are some very interesting and normal people out there (a lot of weirdo's too... there's always weirdos. Hey Liz, you might want to stay away from the online dating sites... you know, with your amazing ability to magnitize the strange ones, it might be a little overwhelming for you.... lol).
Anywho... I did get an amazing response from the people out there. There was the Tony Soprano look alike who wanted to take me for a ride on his boat. There was the dark and mysterious guy who made me feel like it was my fault he had to email me (weird?). There was the one who looked like the guy with the glasses from The Trailer Park Boys who thought we would "click"... ha! ha! ha!...wait..... no.. there's more... HAHAHAHA!!!
Yes. so. Moving on. Okay.
I did get a nice response from "normal" guys too. There are a handful of them that I have been chatting with on-line. These people are VERY normal and lead the same sort of lives we other normal people do. Okay, wait... let me think about that one for a moment. Hey Carrie, do you think we lead normal lives?? No. You're right. I didn't think so.
Okay. So, these guys I have been chatting to live on the same planet I do and understand life as I see it. Which is nice. It gives me hope to know that there are SOME nice guys left.
So, on that note, there has been one guy in particular that has caught my attention. We'll call him New York. Yes, I know, a bit strange for a name, but there is a reason. Come on girls, you know there is ALWAYS a method to my madness. New York, or NY for short and myself have been chatting for several days now on-line and last night we spoke on the phone. We have plans to meet this evening for... drinks? dinner? No plans have been carved in stone as of yet, but knowing me it will probably consist of a little of both.... okay, maybe more drinks than dinner but who said I was perfect?
Anyway, I'll keep you in the loop and let you know how it goes down.
Question: why didn't I know about or have one of these blog things YEARS ago when I started dating??? I could have had a million dollar contract for a book by now titled, "The Slime that Men Do to Jennifer".
So, some very interesting information for you. If you make reference to the blog entry below, I went ahead and posted my "profile" on two different online dating web-sites. I first went to Lavalife. And then discovered Plentyoffish.com. I highly recommend Plenty of Fish. It's a totally free online dating web site and there are some very interesting and normal people out there (a lot of weirdo's too... there's always weirdos. Hey Liz, you might want to stay away from the online dating sites... you know, with your amazing ability to magnitize the strange ones, it might be a little overwhelming for you.... lol).
Anywho... I did get an amazing response from the people out there. There was the Tony Soprano look alike who wanted to take me for a ride on his boat. There was the dark and mysterious guy who made me feel like it was my fault he had to email me (weird?). There was the one who looked like the guy with the glasses from The Trailer Park Boys who thought we would "click"... ha! ha! ha!...wait..... no.. there's more... HAHAHAHA!!!
Yes. so. Moving on. Okay.
I did get a nice response from "normal" guys too. There are a handful of them that I have been chatting with on-line. These people are VERY normal and lead the same sort of lives we other normal people do. Okay, wait... let me think about that one for a moment. Hey Carrie, do you think we lead normal lives?? No. You're right. I didn't think so.
Okay. So, these guys I have been chatting to live on the same planet I do and understand life as I see it. Which is nice. It gives me hope to know that there are SOME nice guys left.
So, on that note, there has been one guy in particular that has caught my attention. We'll call him New York. Yes, I know, a bit strange for a name, but there is a reason. Come on girls, you know there is ALWAYS a method to my madness. New York, or NY for short and myself have been chatting for several days now on-line and last night we spoke on the phone. We have plans to meet this evening for... drinks? dinner? No plans have been carved in stone as of yet, but knowing me it will probably consist of a little of both.... okay, maybe more drinks than dinner but who said I was perfect?
Anyway, I'll keep you in the loop and let you know how it goes down.
Question: why didn't I know about or have one of these blog things YEARS ago when I started dating??? I could have had a million dollar contract for a book by now titled, "The Slime that Men Do to Jennifer".
Saturday, December 02, 2006
To LavaLife or not to LavaLife
Below is my new profile in Lavalife. Yes, I've signed up for on-line dating. Can't hurt, right? Let me know what you think.
Hi there... thanks for dropping by! I keep re-editing my profile and I am finding this very difficult. I keep worrying about spelling mistakes and wondering if I sound like a moron. So I'll just say this: I think I'm a pretty neat gal and a great catch! I've travelled extensively and feel that I am well educated. I have a good job and work part time as a fitness instructor. I am currently looking to purchase my first home and I am the proud owner of a cat named Charlie Brown ("Beans" for short). I consider myself to be independent, funny, witty, charming, loyal, trusting, romantic, snuggly, kissy, and did I say funny? I'll definitely make you laugh... I am understanding, supportive and caring. One of my fav. things to do is to have great conversation over red-wine, candle-light and dinner (or beer and wings at the pub - seriously). I have extended family, but other than that it's just me and my dad (one of my best friends). I have experienced some great losses in my life and have learned to really, truly, deeply appreciate my life and what and who I have in it. I am looking for that one person who wants to run with me... not behind me, or infront of me, but with someone who is empowering and who also feels, but knows that they are the most important person on earth to me. This kind of stuff doesn't happen over-night and it can't be forced... so I guess I'm just looking for the chemistry first and we'll take it from there...
Hi there... thanks for dropping by! I keep re-editing my profile and I am finding this very difficult. I keep worrying about spelling mistakes and wondering if I sound like a moron. So I'll just say this: I think I'm a pretty neat gal and a great catch! I've travelled extensively and feel that I am well educated. I have a good job and work part time as a fitness instructor. I am currently looking to purchase my first home and I am the proud owner of a cat named Charlie Brown ("Beans" for short). I consider myself to be independent, funny, witty, charming, loyal, trusting, romantic, snuggly, kissy, and did I say funny? I'll definitely make you laugh... I am understanding, supportive and caring. One of my fav. things to do is to have great conversation over red-wine, candle-light and dinner (or beer and wings at the pub - seriously). I have extended family, but other than that it's just me and my dad (one of my best friends). I have experienced some great losses in my life and have learned to really, truly, deeply appreciate my life and what and who I have in it. I am looking for that one person who wants to run with me... not behind me, or infront of me, but with someone who is empowering and who also feels, but knows that they are the most important person on earth to me. This kind of stuff doesn't happen over-night and it can't be forced... so I guess I'm just looking for the chemistry first and we'll take it from there...
Friday, December 01, 2006
Words of Wisdom
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.
~ Henry Ford
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
~ Anon.
Do you want to know how to make dreams come true?
You wake up.
~ Anon.
To care what other people think will always keep you their prisoner.
~ Anon.
Live out of your imagination, not your history.
~ Anon.
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